Here it comes. Another toddler diaper change tantrum. Cue the music. Hear that, “Flight of the Valkyries,” humming in the background? It’s a stalemate, and you’ve been losing. No one is gaining ground. My little guy is holding on to that little bit of personal turf. As long as he doesn’t budge, that sagging diaper will continue to weigh him down. All the while, my patience is melting. At a pace approaching light speed.
Then, it happens.
An atomic meltdown. He’s in tears, while I am beyond frustrated. Still, he refuses to let me change that sagging mass of urine. If he only knew how freeing it could be. If I only knew then how out of control he felt. The source of his strength is astonishing. How does such a little body exert so much force? We’re both left exhausted and out of patience.
Diaper changing tantrums. They’re the real deal. Compared to other tantrums, they are at the top of the list. Likewise, their accompanying meltdowns are nothing short of epic.
Why do toddlers fight diaper changes?
There could be several explanations to why your child is fighting you during diaper changes. A desire for more control and independence is one of them. After all, we spend so much time from birth to toddlerhood working to instill a sense of independence in our children. We want them to sleep alone through the night and encourage them to feed themselves. Most importantly, we cheer them on as they take those precious first steps. Then when they fall, we encourage them to get right back up. Then suddenly, after months of this conditioning, we try to take it away. How? By forcing them to do something we want.
Take a step back. Your little one has hit some major milestones by the time he’s a toddler. He’s more than ready to tackle the world around him. In reality, we know this isn’t the entire truth. However, in his eyes, he is ready. The familiar surroundings of his home have given him that courage. So, why take that away?
The short and simple answer is don’t. By this time he’s probably learned to partially dress himself, something we’ve encouraged as parents. And yet, we are now asking him to surrender that feat of independence he has worked so hard for.
Part of the challenge involved with the diaper changing tantrum is recognizing this small streak of independence he’s developed. Out of fear of losing this independence, he’s sure to strike out when we step in to change his diaper, or dress him. In all practicality, the best defense is to give some of that independence back to him.
Rather than force him to be changed, invite him to help in the process. Chances are he will be much more receptive if he’s involved in the process. Make him a willing participant, not a spectator. It’s what has brought him so far along already in his life.
Dress for Success
In some ways, it’s the first step in a long process of validation. By involving him in the changing process, we’re giving him back some of that control. Set boundaries, and let him know the consequences. Sore bum? Well, next time help me change you. Let him know this. By now, he’s starting to understand cause and effect in his own way. The burn of a diaper rash will let him know this.
I’ve done many things to get out little guy involved. When we can, we try and make it fun. Don’t chase him down. If he’s like our guy, the thrill of the chase will only get him more excited. It’s natural for toddlers to see things from this perspective. Some things that have worked are small rewards. Maybe it’s a little extra time with his favorite show. Whatever it is that floats his boat.
Little trinkets to distract are good. Singing a song is a great way to keep his mind off the diaper and in a better space. Ask him to help undress himself and to undo the diaper. After all, if he is involved, it will restore his sense of control. Let him feel that. Your encouragement is, in reality, what he craves.
Sometimes the Fear is Real
I know from experience that sometimes toddlers avoid the diaper change because it is painful. Diaper rashes can appear in no time. Is your little one prone to diaper rashes? Have they had recent bad experiences with changing? Keep these things in mind. What you don’t want to do is reinforce that negative experience and compound it.
For me, listening has always been important. Our little ones always want us to hear them. It’s why they are always singing and talking. But it’s the right kind of attention that counts. If diaper changes are uncomfortable, hear him out. Rather than struggle with the changing, let him know you are there to help. When he sees that changing the diaper will bring relief, the struggle will subside.
Getting there is half the battle, especially when we’re tired and our patience is thin. But it’s more likely than not that if he’s given a sense of control, he will gradually calm down. Taking these steps isn’t always easy. More times than not it’s downright difficult. However, as parents, we can realize how our own behaviors can push him over the edge and into a full-blown tantrum.
Points to Remember
It’s not easy getting a toddler to surrender some of his control for diaper changes. But, there are ways to accomplish this sometimes difficult task with a little ease:
- Stay calm. Keeping your cool will prevent any situation from escalating.
- Always offer choices. Sometimes offering two diapers to choose from can be the difference maker.
- Involve your child, let him help undo the diaper, and throw out the old one.
- Keep it quick. Once he’s ready, take care of business straight away before his perception can change. Timing is everything.
- Distractions. Sing a song, give him a toy, or tell a story.
- Use a light touch. Your toddler may have sensitive skin. Use creams for any signs of irritation.
Hear that? It’s laughter. The meltdown has passed. Taking these steps will help lessen any toddler diaper changing tantrum. In the end, it’s all about control … of the situation, not your toddler.
Emily Anderson is a mother of three children, all under the age of 10. Located in the Pacific Northwest of the US, Emily is a mom and part-time blogger, jumping in front of the computer when the kids are sleeping. She started this blog in April of 2019 and is proud that the blog is now paying for itself. If you want to know about her journey as a blogger, check out out her personal digital journal or her post about failing her way to blogging success.