January 1, 2020 (Turning 40 This year!)

I write tons of articles for this website, but I have really struggled to consistently blog about my life. I LOVE reading personal blogs by other parents (moms and dads) that talk about the daily struggles and life.

But I haven’t been able to get up the confidence to write my own.

I am happy to share thoughts and tips throughout my other posts on this site, with the idea that my parenting experience and knowledge (plus research I have done) is useful.

But I’ve never really thought that my personal life would be valuable (or entertaining).

I think a lot of moms and dads struggle with confidence. We don’t always (or ever) believe that what we have to offer is worthwhile. We struggle daily with imposter syndrome, and often feel like we are faking it as we mingle with other parents.

We look around and see tons of people who appear to have everything together, while we are the only ones who shouted at their kids to get into the car and are hiding a messy stain under a chic looking jacket.

In 2020, I am turning 40.

40.

The big 4-0.

If I can’t get over myself in my 40th year, then when is it going to happen?

If I can’t believe in myself after 40 years of experience on the planet Earth, when is it going to happen?

I’m a firm believer of saying things out loud, to the world, to the universe. I believe that things are more likely to happen and go the way we want when we speak our truths, speak our words, especially in a space where other people can hear.

This blog post is a beginning. This is me speaking to the universe about what I am, what I want to be, and what I have to offer.

First, I am valuable. I’m not going to repeat all kinds of affirmations about how I am beautiful, how my soul is awesome, etc, etc. I’m past that part of my life where I want or need to invest my energy into how I look, and what other people think about me.

I’m bone-tired of establishing my self-worth based upon what someone else has said or done. It is time to start believing in myself.

Second, I can accomplish things. I will accomplish things. I don’t need your permission to try and build this blog into a valuable resource, into a piece of digital property that earns the money I use to support my family.

Yes, working online in the “make money online” industry is unusual, and maybe even risky. A lot of people don’t understand what I am doing or trying to do. I have done the research. I have tried tons that has failed, and a lot that has worked (and more is working daily).

I have to trust in myself, that I can and I will accomplish my goals.

Third, I am doing a good job as a parent. I am. Truly. It is hard to see it on a day-to-day basis, but it is time to understand the truth. I am a good parent. I work my rear end off on a daily basis to be the best parent I can be.

Yes, I make mistakes. Yes, sometimes I go to bed at night shaking my head at myself and whatever happened that day.

But the insecurity I feel about my performance (especially up against other parents) is killing me, and making it so much harder to enjoy this journey and this process.

Our kids are only small for a limited amount of time. Every second that I spend wallowing in negativity for any reason is time wasted, when I could be dreaming up new and awesome activities, investing in myself and in my health, and just enjoying life in general.

As I said above, I’m turning 40 this year. If I am lucky, I will live another 40 years (meaning I am half way through this life). If I am unlucky, I may have lived more than half of my life already, or even 75% of it (or more). We have no guarantee that there is going to be another 40-50 years, or that those years will be good years.

I want to spend my 40th year on Earth recommitting to the idea, to the lifestyle, that we have one life here on Earth, and that it is our responsibility to make the most of that time.

I am lucky to have my parents. As I cross into my 40s, my parents are getting ready to cross into their 70s. I know that I might lose them in the near future, though I hope for many more years with them. But I won’t count on it, and I will try to spend as much meaningful time with them, and let them know constantly that I love them and appreciate them.

I am lucky to have all three of my children. Yes, they are young. But accidents happen, and cancer happens. Some close friends of ours lost their 8-year old to cancer last year, a rapid and traumatic experience.

It reminded me to cuddle my children as much as possible, and to tell them I love them every chance I get. Cancer could take them (or take me) at any time. Whatever happens, I want them to know that I love them more than anything in the world.

Studies report that women’s life happiness levels dip in the late 30s to early 40s to the lowest points of their lives, while men’s happiness maintains until the 50s, when it falls to its lowest point. From the transition at about 40, women’s happiness increases and increases, while men’s falls.

Is our unhappiness the result of the struggles we encounter as parents of young children? Is men’s unhappiness in their 50s the result of the realization that they are getting old and no longer quite…ehem….young as they used to be?

If this is the bottom of my happiness graph, can you imagine where I will be in 10 years?

I’m going to try much harder to write about myself, confidently, and not worry about who in the universe is reading it, or what they have to think about what I have to say.

After all, I’m old now.

Here’s to a great 40th year. Let’s see what happens.

Want to read more about my life progress? Here’s the link to all the rest of my personal journal: https://momadviceline.com/category/personal-parenting-journal-emilys-life/

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