Oh man, I have struggled with anger in recent years, especially right after I got divorced. I don’t want to go down the road of all the blame and finger pointing in this post. I’ll just say that I’ve been burdened with anger on and off for a long time, and I’ve been struggling to get over it and through it. The thing I hate about my angry is that it erupts, sometimes randomly, and I don’t always have a good way to get a handle on it.
In looking for ways to work on my anger, I came across the idea of using affirmations. I am definitely a student and an advocate for working on mental discipline, and trying to keep my mind clear of negativity when I can. Obviously with my anger I have been failing.
What is an affirmation?
Affirmations (as I understand them) are statements that you can read, write down, or even say to help you challenge and overcome negative thoughts. (source)
A lot of people look down on the idea of using affirmations. After all, in most cases, as you are doing is thinking, or reading, or saying the statement. Over and over again. And it can feel silly while you are doing it, talking to the mirror in your bathroom or while stuck in traffic.
There are a lot of ideas about why affirmations do (or do not) work. But for me, I needed the structure in my mind of some more positive and helpful thoughts. Due to the amount of emotion that I harbored in my heart, I was really struggling to keep my own thoughts (occurring naturally) positive and centered on good things.
With an affirmation, when I found myself spinning out of control, I could pull myself back away from the brink. And I found that the more I spent time affirmatively trying to think specific positive thoughts, I fell into negative thoughts much, much less.
I think of affirmations like sports, working out, disciplining your physical body. If you don’t exercise your legs, they are weak, they don’t help you perform well, and you hurt. I think your mind is the same way. If you don’t exercise it, push it, structure it, serve it, then it does little to serve you.
What affirmations help with anger?
There isn’t any one specific affirmation that will solve your anger problem (unlike antibiotics for an infection). This is something that you’ll have to work through over time, and it might take a combination of affirmations and positive thoughts to get you to where you want to go.
You can take the canned list of affirmations (like the ones below), or you can put together a list of your own that are based upon what it is that you want to achieve.
Here’s a list of the affirmations that I used to recite to myself and then even out loud when I felt my hatred and anger spinning out of control:
- I don’t want to be angry.
- I’m tired of being angry.
- I want to stop being angry.
- Being angry isn’t helping me.
- Being angry hurts me more, and it hurts my kids.
- I need to get this anger under control.
- I want to release this angry feeling.
- I want to grow and change and move past this thing that makes me angry.
- My anger does not define me.
- This event does not define me.
- I can forgive myself.
- I will forgive myself.
- I need to be kinder to myself.
- I can forgive myself.
- I should forgive myself.
- I am forgiven.
And so on and so on. Sometimes I would think about all of these things, and sometimes when things were hard, I would just think or say one of them.
I need some suggestion for affirmations to help with anger.
Totally fine. Here’s a list of some that you can try out, and see how they help.
- I am calm.
- I am loving.
- I am in control.
- I am in control of my emotions.
- I am relaxed.
- I am focused.
- I can handle this.
- I have the power to change.
- I know how to calm down, and I can do it if I try.
- I can heal.
- I will heal.
- The things that happen to me and around me do not control me.
- No matter what happens, I have the right to feel peace.
- I am love.
- I am kind.
- I see the good in others.
- I’d rather be happy than be right.
- This isn’t my problem.
- I don’t have to do anything.
- I can take care of this tomorrow.
- I don’t have to respond to this right this minute.
- Everything is going to be alright.
- I don’t need to fix this.
- I need to let go of anger to grow.
- I replace my anger with understanding.
- This is not about me.
- I can focus on the good.
- I accept the abundance and love that the universe has for me.
- I am enough.
- This challenge will help me grow.
- Today I choose to move forward.
- I am in control of my life.
- I choose to respond with love.
- I am a peaceful person.
- I attract peace.
- I choose to be patient.
- I am free of anger and hatred.
- Anger is temporary.
- Peace is my choice.
- I refuse to waste any more time being angry.
- I choose a life of peace.
- I choose a life of joy.
- I am gaining control over my emotions.
- I will manage my anger.
- Each day, my anger is becoming easier to manage.
- Working on my anger is improving my life.
- I have the power to become the person I want to be.
Tips for using your affirmations
Affirmations aren’t just about reading them or saying them. How you stand, how you speak….these things both increase the impact of affirmations. Here are some suggestions for how you should do your affirmations:
- stand up, stand tall with shoulders back, with a strong core
- speak firmly, calmly, and slowly
- speak with confidence, as much as you can, even if you don’t yet feel the confidence that you are trying to put into your voice
The experts also say that you should say your affirmations consistently, and in the beginning, more than once a day. In fact, as much as you can. Say them after you wake up, and before you go to bed, and then any time you think of it in the middle of the day. Say them until it becomes easy to say them confidently, while standing tall and proud (and no longer feel silly doing it).
Emily Anderson is a mother of three children, all under the age of 10. Located in the Pacific Northwest of the US, Emily is a full-time mom and part-time blogger, jumping in front of the computer screen when the kids are occupied or sleeping. She started this blog in April of 2019 and is proud that the blog is now paying for itself. If you want to know about her journey as a blogger, check out out her personal digital journal or her post about failing her way to blogging success.