Funny Responses to “What Are You Doing?”

I love having something witty, funny, or even sarcastic cued up in response to one of the most common questions asked in any given day. In this post, we’ll throw out tons of ways you can tackle this question, from funny to maybe even downright rude.

These responses can also be used in response to “what are you up to? or “whatcha doin’?” when you are watching television, looking at your phone, or otherwise doing something that shouldn’t require the question in the first place.

We’ll leave you to be the judge of which is the best for your specific situation.

Question: What are you doing?


  • Devising an escape route. What to come?
  • Just making sure I’m not a cave dweller from the stone age.
  • Search for the orphanage you came from so I can send you back.
  • Meditating. Be quiet.
  • Minding my own business. You should try it.

You can’t please everybody. I give up. I’m not trying to. I don’t care. Leave me alone with that.

  • Pretending to be invisible.
  • Measuring the distance between reality and expectation.
  • Nothing much, just secreting intestinal juices.
  • Enjoying one of the most beautiful gifts of life.
  • Bringing my social life score from more negative to less negative.

  • Google it.
  • Trying to be helpful.
  • Definitely not you.
  • Changing the config settings for NASA satellites. Same old same old, you know how it is.
  • Just answering stupid questions.

You aren’t going to leave me alone, are you?

Edie Adams
  • Definitely not what you are doing.
  • Living my own life.
  • Please unfriend me.
  • Existing.
  • Business.
  • Maintaining my organs.
  • Killing some old cells and making some new ones.
  • Shedding my old skin.
  • Planning to take over the world. You know. The usual.
  • Trying to figure out a way to get rid of you.

Stupid people are ruining America.

Herman Cain
  • Digging your grave.
  • Trying to get some alone time.
  • Thinking of ways I can beat you.
  • Can you ask a better question?
  • I’m retired.

  • Curing swine flu.
  • Waiting for my problems to go away.
  • Trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • Working on my novel.
  • Fighting crime.

I don’t care what people think. People are stupid.

Charles Barkley
  • Curing cancer.
  • Walking and talking.
  • Going with the motion of the ocean.
  • I’m waiting for Jeff Bezos to announce I’m his child.
  • Developing my personal brand.
  • Taking a mental hiatus.
  • Looking at the other side of my eyelids.
  • Living in the moment.
  • Nothing much.
  • Just the usual.

If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart in time to ask questions?

Scott Adams
  • Wouldn’t you like to know.
  • Burning down a library.
  • Taking a shower.
  • I bet you say that to all the girls.
  • You are annoying.
  • Whatever I want.
  • Paying the rent.
  • Why, what did you hear?
  • Who told you?!?!?
  • A two letter word indicating direction.

I’m the one guy who doesn’t want to force the stupid people to be quiet. I want to know who the morons are.

Mark Cuban
  • Living the dream.
  • What is left unsaid, says it all.
  • Did you know that people who use sarcasm are more likely to have a high IQ?
  • Did you know that a kick in the testicles is more painful than giving birth?
  • Did you know, octopuses are older than dinosaurs?
  • Making horrible decisions. Please stop me.
  • *finger guns*
  • You are not the dumbest person on the planet, but you better hope he doesn’t die.
  • As the prophecy foretold.
  • So…it has come to this.
  • There is no escape from my destiny.
  • In this economy?
  • Sure you don’t have the wrong number?
  • Hmm, my spidey senses are tingling.
  • Before I answer, you have to first tell me what color underwear you are wearing.
  • You know, sometimes I find the solution to everything is just to stop talking.
  • The quieter you are, the more you can hear.
  • I love the sound you make when you shut up.
  • Do you want a list?
  • Every time you speak, I can feel my brain cells die.
  • How long did it take you to come up with that one?
  • I don’t speak to idiots.
  • Zombies eat brains…so you are safe.
  • If I had a face like yours, I’d sue my parents.
  • Can you ask an easier question?
  • My business isn’t your business.
  • The voices in my head are telling me to say NOTHING.
  • If you don’t shut your mouth, the next thing to come out of it will be your teeth.
  • Solving the world hunger crisis.
  • Trying to see things from your perspective.
  • Please….keep talking. I only yawn when I am totally interested in what you have to say.
  • Whenever we hang out, I remember that God does have a sense of humor.
  • People like you are the reason I take medication.
  • Earth is full. Go home.

For fun, I went over to Amazon and found a mug that I thought could be an humorous alternative to answering the question out loud. Here’s the mug, check it out and let me know if you think it is something you’d use.

(Disclosure: By the way, that link above goes to Amazon, and it is an Amazon affiliate link. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.)

What about good responses to the late night “WYD” text?

The late night WYD (could be from a male or female), especially if it pops up out of the blue, is a message looking for something. It could be entertainment (over the phone) or it could be the precursor to “please come over and….”

WYD=What You Doing? aka What are you doing?

In general, when someone starts a conversation over text with WYD, they are bored, and they are reaching out for help with that boredom. It doesn’t necessarily mean that this is anything more than that. You can engage with them (if you like), or you can send then on their way and wait for them to actually text something of substance worth responding to.

Most people I’ve talked to about “WYD” say that the messages comes across as lazy, or requiring very little effort, and thus does not warrant much of a response, or about as much effort as he put into the message in the first place.

You can also put it back on him, and say something like, “Is there something you wanted to talk about?” Then see what he has to say. Maybe the conversation will improve, and you’ll be able to enjoy it and get something out of it, or maybe it’ll continue in short acronyms until you get tired of responding and put your phone down.