Hey all! I’ve been short all my life, well, with the exception of about a year in elementary school when I hit my growth spurt first, before everyone else hit theirs and passed me. I’ve been called just about every short insult there is (dirty and clean) (Shorty, short stuff, mini, minnie mouse, tiny, mouse, and on and on)
Here’s a round-up post of comebacks you can use in the event that some terrible monster out there called you “short” or some variation of an insult based upon the lack of your height.
As always, I try to keep my posts clean so that families can read and enjoy, but just know that there are plenty of comebacks out there involving certain private aspects of the anatomy that I have not included. Those just aren’t that creative, IMO.
Responding to any version of being called “short”
First, you could just accept the statement as a compliment, and say “Thanks, I am” in a very calm, unbothered manner to take the sting out of the quip. And if you are amongst friends, there isn’t much sting anyway. Instead, this is usually bait, looking for some kind of response. So you could just not play along, and let them know that you accept your body as it is.
You could fire back something totally juvenile (and fun), such as:
- Dynamite comes in small packages
- All the best things come in small packages
- I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome
- Short people maintain a great perspective on life because we are always looking up
- I’m glad you’re tall, it gives me more of you to dislike
- Short people: God only lets things grow until they are perfect, some of us didn’t take as long as others
I am a big of pretending like I don’t even realize the other person is trying to make fun of me, and make them look for more insults or to try to be more creative.
- I don’t think I meet the height to ride your emotional roller coaster
- I may be short, but short people can wear heels, ugly just can’t be fixed
- I’m not short, I’m just more down to earth than other people
- I’m proud of my body and you should be proud of yours too
- Finally! You’ve sunk low enough for me to reach
I like a dry delivery in my responses to short jokes
- You know what that sounds like, not my problem
- Sorry, can’t hear you from down here
- Have you grown since the first grade? I mean, in maturity?
- I’m not short, I’m fun sized!
- I’d rather be short and me than be you
- The shortest are the prettiest (handsomest)
- Short and sweet, and proud of it
- Don’t let your head hit the roof on your way out
- Not short, just vertically challenged
- Not short, just space efficient
- Is it cold up there?
- I’m just down to Earth while you’ve got your head in the clouds
- Don’t push me, I’ll bite your knees off
- I’ll be sure to bring a booster seat to your funeral
- Sorry, can’t hear you from down here
- Midgets love more more than you
- So? You’re tall
- I know, and you are rude
- What? I didn’t notice
- At least I’m the last to know when it rains
- I’ll be the last to get struck by lightning
- Do you ever shut up?
- The view up your nostrils is horrible
- I’d roast you, but my mom told me not to burn trash
- Eww, what’s that weird crushed thing? Oh wait, your dreams!
- Hey ugly, I didn’t know it was costume day
- Obviously you have mistaken me for someone who cares what you think
- I like the noise you make when you stop talking
- You sir, are a human version of period cramps
- The trashman comes tomorrow, be ready
- I was going to give you a nasty look, but I see you already have one
- I’m not short, I just fall outside of your exceptionally narrow view of the world
- When I see your face, there’s not a thing in the world I would change, except the direction I’m walking in
- Y’all shame natural bodies, but praise fake ones
- I don’t like you
- You are so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering
- Rose are red, violets are blue, faces like your belong in the zoo
- How’s life on cloud 9?
- How about you mind your own business and look out for planes
- You are the reason gene pools need body guards
Call them names, tall people love that
- call them bean pole, sasquatch, bigfoot, the abominable snowman, Shaq, giraffe, llama, jolly green giant
Or hit them back with a tall joke
- What do a tall wizard and a tall elf have in common? They need a short hobbit to save the day
- What do tall people and a lamp post have in common? Intelligence
- What’s a tall person’s biggest fear? A ceiling fan
Also, check this video out, these two kids who are apparently the shortest kids in school, going back and forth practicing their role-playing comebacks to shortness insults. The comebacks aren’t legendary but the kids are cute, my favorite is, “No, your face is short.” LOL. They also contributed:
- I can’t tell what the weather is like because your freakishly tallness is covering the sky
- No, I’m not (another version of my favorite, Nuh-UH)
Thanks for dropping by!
If you liked this article, check another recent comebacks post we did, to get even more responses to insults. You can also check out one of these posts, or find out more about how to become a contributor to our community by clicking here:
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Emily Anderson is a mother of three children, all under the age of 10. Located in the Pacific Northwest of the US, Emily is a mom and part-time blogger, jumping in front of the computer when the kids are sleeping. She started this blog in April of 2019 and is proud that the blog is now paying for itself. If you want to know about her journey as a blogger, check out out her personal digital journal or her post about failing her way to blogging success.