Good Comebacks for Backstabbers (So You Can Feel Better)

Man, I hate, hate backstabbers. There is very little out there that frustrates or angers me more. After this introduction, I’m serving up all the backstabber comebacks I could find for you to use right now if you need one, or to chamber for the future when things go sideways.

What is a backstabber?

In general, a backstabber is a person who betrays you (aka a traitor, or hypocrite). There is usually a trust relationship in place, and when one person isn’t paying attention (metaphorical back is turned), the other party does something contrary to that trust relationship (the back stab).

Does this mean the end of the trust relationship? This could be a friendship, marriage, work relationship, even a business relationship.

Not always, but if the relationship continues on, it will struggle to return to the previous strength and quality, and often fails altogether.

How do you deal with a backstabber?

Unless you want to go to jail, the first thing you need to do is find a way to remain calm, or at least in control enough to avoid committing crimes.

The next thing you’ll want to do is make sure you completely understand the situation, to make sure you haven’t jumped to conclusions against someone who you through you trusted.

The last thing you’ll want to do is run and confront the person who you think has done wrong. In certain circumstances, the situation could spiral out of control, and people could get hurt (think fighting, property destruction, the works).

And then, once you’ve calmly assessed the situation, you need to decide what to do. Certainly, the classy thing to do once you’ve confirmed what happened is to walk away, and not let what happened bother you. This is very difficult to do, especially if your feelings have been just crushed.

Truly, the best thing you could do is let it go, take the high road, and move on. Prove them wrong with your actions, and learn from the experience.

Or……you could let lose with some of these comebacks. Maybe not the most grown up thing to do, but perhaps you’ll feel better afterwards.

Here’s your knife back. I’m sure you’ll be need it again soon.

Is done an emotion? Because I’m feeling it.

Wait, if you are here, who is scaring away the crows from the crops?

Your face could scare the poo out of a toilet.

Oh, I am sorry you didn’t get the memo that we aren’t friends anymore.

Oh, you are talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.

If you are going to say anything, say it to my face.

Oh my goodness, did my back hurt your knife?

You’d think at least one of your two faces would be attractive.

Grow up.

People who talk behind my back don’t bother me. It just means I’m ahead of them.

If you are going to talk behind my back, at least get the details right.

I’d take a hundred enemies over one fake friend like you.

Fake….it’s the latest trend.

I hope karma slaps you before I do.

You must get tired of putting makeup on your multiple faces in the morning.

Remember that there are two sides to every story. Just like your face.

If you aren’t going to be my friend behind my back, then don’t worry about pretending to be my friend to my face.

Hey! When did my back become your target?

Get away from me. Fake people make me sick.

When someone hurts you, it says much more about them than you.

We don’t lose friends. We just realized which ones are the real ones.

An honest enemy is better than a friend who lies.

I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed.

We are now just strangers with memories. Ones I’m ready to forget.

I’m a good enough person to forgive you.

You will never succeed by being a snake.

I’m not trying to get you back…’ll take care of yourself.

Thank you for showing me why people can’t be trusted.

My back doesn’t read text messages, say what you mean to my face.

I used to want to be your friend. Then I got to know you.

My middle finger is waving at you.

Am I acting differently? It’s because I know what you are doing.

It’s cool if you want to waste your time talking about me. It makes me feel special.

When people treat me like they don’t care, I believe them.

This is the moment, right here, right now, when I lose respect for you.

I know the truth, but the way it feels.

Have a nice life. Sorry I won’t be there to see it.

If you were happy, you’d be kind.

I hate snakes. Especially the human variety.

You remind me of a penny. Two sides and worth little.

People don’t abandon the people they love.

I love how you state the obvious with a sense of discovery.

Failure has made you cruel, and I can see that now.

We are what we do. And I’m cool with what I’ve done. Are you?

Judge me when you are perfect.

I was taught to think before I act. So if I smack you, it’s because I thought about it first.

Cut Your Hair With Regular Scissors

If you are cut off, its because you gave me the scissors.

I’m not giving up. I’ve just had enough.

Narcissists like you are loving until you disagree with them.

People like you hurt others and then act like you hurt them.

I can explain this for you, but I can’t comprehend it for you.

I’d agree with you, but then I’d be wrong.

I refuse to engage in a battle of wits against someone unarmed.

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Wrap Up

Have you heard of any other great comebacks for backstabbers (and/or fake friends)? Let us know your best zingers in the comments section below.