Funny Responses to “How Dare You”

man and woman sitting in chairs talking

“How dare you” was the go-to response of a colleague/friend of mine back in the day. I swear it, no one could be funnier than that guy in the office. He delivered the line so well, generally puffed up full of fake indignation, as though he truly was offended.

It never failed to make us all laugh, and to this day, I regularly respond to other people with “How dare you” and think of him.

But looking back, I realize that this perfectly delivered line was usually a show stopper, because none of us really knew what to say in response.

woman laughing with hand over her face, with a carnival in the background

And what could you say?

Well, let’s look first at how it is generally delivered. Keep in mind that there are two types of responses to this line, depending on whether the person speaking the line was seriously offended or only fake offended.

Nobody can dare me to do anything that I don’t come up with on my own.

Corey Taylor

What does How Dare You mean?

As noted above, How dare you is generally a response that you’d use when offended or angry (such as how dare you talk to me that way, or how dare you touch me or how dare you do whatever it is you have done).

In general, it indicates that someone has stepped over some sort of boundary. It tells the listener that you are shocked, and very angry.

While it is often and usually phrased like a question, the speaker usually isn’t looking for an actual answer to their question. It is usually just an expression of their feeling (like ouch).

woman laughing, sitting in a crouch with a black background behind her

Serious Responses to Serious How dare you

If someone is legit offended or angry, then how you respond depends on your situation. If you are at work, for example, and the person speaking this line is a client or customer, you are going to go right to work to try and fix whatever mistake was made or whatever act was committed that caused it.

This is not the time for a clever or flippant comeback. This is problem solving time, in a hurry.

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

Mike Myers

Funny Responses to Fake/Funny/Joking How dare you

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s look at potentially clever, witty, funny, or snappy responses to the comedic How dare you:

  • Pause….and then say, I have no idea.
  • Why don’t you watch your mouth!
  • How dare I? I’d hardly call it daring.
  • I’m just that kind of risk taker.
  • Well, somebody had to.

  • That is quite the personal question.
  • I’ll look into it, and get back to you.
  • Hold that thought forever.
  • I’m thinking you aren’t quite the brightest crayon in the box, are you?
  • That’s what she said.
man laughing, eyes closed, face tilted upwards, blue background, with pink lighting
  • Just like this!
  • I accept your dare.
  • I dare…because I care.
  • Are you challenging me?
  • I’m sorry, did I offend your delicate sensibilities?

  • That is none of your business.
  • You bring everyone so much joy when you leave the room.
  • Oh my goodness, it spoke!
  • You are as disappointing as an unsalted pretzel.
  • It’s funny how the people who know the least have the most to say.

To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose one’s self.

Soren Kierkegaard
  • Because I do.
  • How dare you dare me!
  • Truth hurts, doesn’t it?
  • How I dare is no concern of yours.
  • Someone dared me.
  • Easily!
  • I’m afraid that’s private information.

  • How dare I? How could I not?
  • I dare, because it is my duty to be daring.
  • Who even says that?
  • Who relies on rhetorical questions to be funny?
  • I guess I’m just that kind of person.

I dare you all to write one more thing that you won’t say to my face.

Marilyn Manson
  • At least I can commit to something.
  • If you have to ask, you’ll never know.
  • Why I dare is because I am right.
  • I got skills.
  • I’m brave.
  • I’m bold.
  • I’m amazing., what can I say?
  • Sorry, I can’t give you a straight answer to that quetsion.
  • I’d rather not say.
  • Thank you for that wonderful question.
old man laughing, black and white image, toothless and wrinkled
  • I’ll get back to you on that.
  • I hate questions like that.
  • I love the sound you make when your mouth is closed.
  • You are proof that brains aren’t everything.
  • Have a nice day…somewhere else.
  • You are a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cake.
  • Hold still…I’m trying to imagine what you would be like if I liked you.
  • It is impossible to underestimate you.
  • Where is your off button?
  • I’m not rude. I was said what everyone else was thinking.

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think that big emotions come from big words?

Ernest Hemingway
  • Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.
  • That sounds like you have a problem.
  • I can’t think right now.
  • Ask me later.
  • Your parents are proof that two wrongs do not make a right.
  • Ask your mom.
  • I’m not supposed to talk to strangers
  • If you worked out as much as you ran your mouth, you’d be in great shape.
  • Why don’t you check ebay and see if they have a life for sale.
  • If you are cooler than me, does that make me hotter than you?
  • I see that you speak from experience.
  • Do you want a list?
  • How long did it take you to come up with that one?
  • Did I just find your nose in my business?
  • It is mind boggling that people like you are allowed to vote.

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.

Oscar Wilde
  • Why don’t you try some big girl/boy words.
  • Oh sweetie, why don’t you buy yourself a brain.
  • I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.
  • Stupidity agrees with you.
  • You know, you’ll go far. And I hope you won’t come back.
  • Hey, the zoo called. They want to know how you got out of your cage.

What are your favorites?

Let us know which is your favorite funny reply to How dare you in the comments section below. We’ll add the best to this post.

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