Responses to Political Texts (Ideas and a Few Things You Need to Know)

As the latest political contest heats up (you know what I am talking about, I don’t even have to say), the conversations about politics have also increased. In the news, on social media, in line at the grocery store, with friends over coffee. The world is pretty sensitive right now, and it seems like you can never say just the right thing.

I take the position that levity is an essential part of processing and dealing with stress. However, I also take the position that civil discourse (meaning talk to each other) about our differences, is necessary as well. As such, this list includes some funny responses to political texts, as well as others that are simple and quick, without crossing the line to something jerk-worthy. I admit, this is a fine line, and you’ll have to tell me when you think any of these responses have crossed it.

But First, Should You Respond to Political Text Messages at all?

Most of us find political text messages annoying. Many times they ask for your support for a particular candidate.

We might choose to ignore them, block the origination number, or even respond and ask them to leave us alone. These text messages have multiple purposes. These include:

  • Getting the sought after information (like whether you support a particular candidate)
  • Education (to let you know about a particular fact or circumstance)
  • Confirming that the phone number is a working number
  • Confirming that the phone number is attached correctly to a specific person or profile

  • Identifying where the person with the phone number actually lives
  • Obtain additional information of all kinds to build up a voter profile on the receipient
  • To learn about what voters with a particular profile (including those against) really think

As you make decisions after receiving a political message, the first thing you need to decide is whether you want to respond at all. Remember, by sending a message in return, even something funny or irreverent, you are providing information in some form to the original sender (and the political party). This may not be something you care about at all.

Or you might feel strongly enough about your beliefs that you would refuse to provide the sender’s party with any information whatsoever that would help them, even if that information was confirming that you disagreed (rather strongly) with what the sender’s party believes.

The first step (as we talked about above) is to decide if you want to send any reply at all.

The next step is to decide if you want to send information confirming what you believe, or to keep things funny and very, very vague (or even make attempts to sabotage by providing incorrect data).

Third, once you have decided what sort of information you want to convey, go for it.

Options for Responding to Unsolicited Political Text Messages

Let’s say that you don’t care if the politician collects data about you (even if it isn’t good or useful data). I really hate getting sent text messages from politicians that I didn’t sign up for. Here are some of creative ideas for what you can do when you receive one:

  • Take a picture of you wearing something showing your political stance/belief and send it back.
  • Save your favorite meme photos on your phone and drop one in response. Any of the versions of the “I don’t care” or “You don’t say” memes should work just fine. I generally keep a stable of memes saved on my phone to use in times like this.
  • Act as though the sender has just subscribed themselves to the push messaging service of a very unrelated or even strange club. Thank you for subscribing to the Snail Slime Lovers Club, where you’ll receive daily text messages teaching you about all the benefits of using snail mucus on your skin and hair. To unsubscribe from the Snail Slime Lovers Club, please send UNSUB SSLC.
  • Respond with your favorite history facts. Naturally, this is going to depend upon your beliefs and/or political party. But for the levity, I would focus on cool or clever history snippets rather than on current events. For example, did you know that it was long believed that tomatoes were poisonous? One US state even had a trial about in in the 1800s, and a man proved his point (and the case) by eating a whole bunch of tomatoes in front of a crowd without dying.
  • Reply back with the exact messages that were sent to you and see what happens. While many of these political messages were initiated by an automated program, to avoid trouble with laws against spam messaging, there has to be a human somewhere nearby involved in the process. If you respond, they’ll usually respond back. Sometimes groups pay for these services and messages on a per message basis (or up to a certain number of messages). Or you’ll be distracting that staffer for minutes or hours from their other activities. So it might be satisfying to know in the end that you’ve annoyed someone on the other end as much as they have annoyed you.

Other simple one line responses:

  • How did you get this number?
  • Lol sorry wrong number
  • What do you mean?
  • I’m a minor.
  • Already voted.
  • Unsubscribe

  • This is an autoresponse. The person you are trying to reach is unavailable.
  • This is an autoresponse. This number is disconnected, or no longer in service.
  • What are your qualifications?
  • Can you get me some cereal?
  • Have you talked to my number neighbor? She’s great.
  • Sorry, I’m married.
  • Maybe we should go out sometime?
  • Nice name!
  • Send pics please.
  • I just ate a pizza. It reminded me of you.
  • I don’t talk to robots.
  • No thanks
  • Is there free stuff?
  • Well…this is awkward
  • My silence does not mean that I agree with you.
  • Cool story, bro.
  • Can you ask me an easier question?
  • Unless your name is Google, please stop acting like you know everything.
  • Yeah, and what makes you so exciting?
  • If it is not your story, then don’t tell it.
  • Remember when I asked YOU for your opinion? Me neither.
  • I checked all my receipts. I didn’t buy anything you are selling.
  • I’m sorry, but you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares.
  • I’m not rude. I’m honest. It’s not my problem that you can’t handle the truth.

What are your favorite go-to responses to political text messages? Let us know in the comments section below.

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